My own personal Angel
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
By: Carley St. Clair

It was God's time to take her, in return He blessed me with a beautiful Angel.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer on November 14, 2008. Her brain was packed full of little tumors, she had a couple spots in each lung and she had little spots on her liver and pancreas. We were initially told that they didn't know if there was anything they could do, just sit and wait. She was admitted to the hospital, and while we were waiting, we were told that mom would be starting radiation soon.

She started her radiation on November 26, 2008, with about 15 treatments on her brain. During these radiation treatments they decided to do a CT scan on mom's back. They did and they found there was a small spot of cancer at the base of mom's spine. On December 9, 2008 she started 10 treatments of radiation on her back. On the day of her last treatment on her back, she was discharged and able to be home with us December 22, 2008 home for Christmas!

When mom was first diagnosed it came a surprise to the whole family. Initially the doctors had thought that she just had the flu. After she was diagnosed she had said that she just wanted to make it to Christmas.
Well she made it to Christmas and it was wonderful! She made it to New Years and it was a blast, she had so much fun! For the time she was home just over a month she went about her normal daily routines. She, dad and grandma would go out for supper and what-not.

On February 12, 2009 she became very unresponsive. She was tired all day but wouldn't really talk to anyone or listen to anyone. She had a scheduled CT scan on Friday February 13, 2009. After her scan she was immediately admitted to the Cross Cancer Institute here in Edmonton. The doctors told us that the tumors in her brain had spread, they didn't know if she would live two days or week but not much longer than that.

The first week we were in the hospital was okay, mom was awake the whole time and very aware of where she was, who everyone was and what was going on. The second week was hard. Mom was sleeping most of the time, and when she was up she couldn't really talk and would stare blankly at almost everyone including me, her daughter. It was hard for everyone, but we had to come to the realization that mom wasn't going to be coming home this time. She was going to die and all we could do was make sure that she was as comfortable as she possible could be and she was in no pain during it.

Mom surprised all the doctors and nurses, she lasted two weeks and one day because she had such a strong heart. Mom passed away one day short of a month before her 44 birthday. She passed away on February 28, 2009. It was skin cancer that took my mom too soon.

Skin cancer the type of cancer that some of my friends thought was so easy to get rid of. This experience opened their eyes. They no longer tan in tanning beds and they wear sunscreen. I did before but I make a point of it now. I put on sunscreen every single day even if its cloudy because it doesn't matter. This is one step that I can take to possibly help myself. The people around me wear sunscreen, my mom did, and it still got her.

What keeps me going now is knowing that my mom is constantly around me I can feel her near me. Even though I can't see her, I know she's there even though she may not talk back to me. I know I can talk to her whenever I feel I need to. I want to do whatever I can to fight back.

Cancer took the lives of two amazing people who were part of my life, my mom and my grandpa, her dad and it took them too soon! It's been a little over a month since mom passed away and just short 6 years since my grandpa passed away. At first I had mixed emotions of anger and sadness, now, it's just sadness. I realized that I had nobody to be angry at. It was God's time to take her, and in return He blessed me with a beautiful Angel and my own personal angel at that!

This is my first year doing the Relay For Life, and this year I'm doing it in memory of my mom and my grandpa two absolutely amazing people who I miss with all my heart. I've realized that the pain I feel in my heart it isn't able to cure anything. It's going to hurt for a long time. I know this but anything I can do to help others is a wonderful opportunity!

In memory of my mom March 27, 1965 to February 28, 2009