What a journey it has been so far….

Forever changed

Always hopeful

Eternally grateful 

On my way to finding my purpose…

Hi everyone - as some of you are aware, I was diagnosed with breast cancer December 2022.

The news came as a complete shock and it instantly turned my life upside down.  I always considered myself to be very healthy and fit. I enjoyed skipping, gymnastics, roller blading, and playing sports like tennis and baseball. I was happy, carefree, and active! 

But this all drastically changed when I noticed a lump in my left breast! I was hopeful it was just a cyst but requested an ultrasound just to be sure. I’m a Capricorn after all. 

The ultrasound results were unclear whether the masses were cancerous or benign so I was sent for a  mammogram and biopsy ultrasound at the Juravinski breast cancer centre. I was nervous and anxious yet hopeful and optimistic. I mean it was a 50-50 chance right…

My family doctor called to schedule an appointment to discuss the results…I figured this was not a good sign but hung on to my optimism….

I will never forget December 28, 2022. I was alone in his office when he confirmed one of my worst fears.  He didn’t comment much except that Juravinski hospital would take care of me and answer all my questions. I was left with this awful news and had to wait! Man if this wasn’t a lesson in patience I don’t know what is!

My initial reaction was heat.  I remember feeling hot and sweaty and removed my sweater right away. I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut. The life was just sucked right out of me and I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening could it!? It’s incredible how your whole life can change in an instant. 

After digesting this news I started thinking positively… maybe they could just cut the cancer out, stitch me up and that would be that. Unfortunately that’s not how the story played out…

There was a whirl wind of tests that followed and waiting for results. I went down way too many rabbit holes on the internet searching this and that, wondering what was the best plan of action, and what everything meant. This was just stressing me out even more. I was losing the joys of each day spending countless hours reading different articles, comparing different opinions and theories, wondering if it related to my exact situation or not. Information overload. I started becoming paranoid of everything and confused what to do.

I eventually decided to just listen to my medical team at the hospital. Period. They went to school for years, are experts in their field, know all the particulars of my case, and have tried and tested solutions. This approach helped me tremendously throughout the process 

MRI and CT scans showed cancer in just the left breast, but there was too much in there to save my breast, it had to be removed entirely. More bad news. The surgeon said she couldn’t save my nipple either! That was the icing on the cake for me I was completely devastated. 

Because I was so young they sent me for a genetic blood test. I tested positive for the BRCA1 mutation which makes me more prone to certain types of cancer - breast cancer being an 80% chance! Too bad I didn’t have this luck at the casino I was thinking.

Then I was faced with many tough decisions: Do I remove the second one too? Do I keep the other nipple or go for symmetry? Should I have a hysterectomy?

After careful consideration I decided to get rid of both breasts - I didn’t want to worry about it for the rest of my life and the thought of having to go through surgery again later if I did get it in the right was definitely not appealing.

My surgeon assured me by going this route I would avoid radiation and chemo therapy which was great news right - man I wish …

I had a bi lateral mastectomy Feb 22,2023. They sent me home that day just to go back later that night by ambulance because I had a hematoma. Emergency surgery followed at 1am. What an awful experience I try to forget. 

Weeks later the results from the tissue analysis were in. They found cancer in my right breast too. Although i had definitely made the right decision it made me nervous since all the tests showed nothing in the right! 

They also noticed the cancer was the aggressive type and some cancerous cells were found in the margin which means they were not sure if they got it all. Now radiation and chemo were both on the table! Things went back and forth between my oncologist and radiologist but they ended up recommending just chemo and no radiation. Partially good news; I’ll take it.

I started chemotherapy May 18, 2023 and it was an awful experience. Fatigue , nausea, body aches, hair falling out in clumps, having to be very careful not to get sick or cut myself, staying out of the sun, etc. the list goes on and on.  I felt and looked awful! 

But I got through it and persevered some more. 

A few months after finishing chemo I was able to have my reconstructive surgery. 

I was all hooked up and ready to roll into the ER when a nurse advised me they were behind schedule and my surgery would have to be rescheduled. I had no idea that could happen. Another huge disappointment! Saying I was devastated and upset would be an understatement.  Luckily I was later rescheduled on November 12, 2023 for an early morning surgery to ensure this wouldn’t happen again. Fantastic!

Once I was healed from reconstruction I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed on February 7, 2024. Unfortunately no good tests exist for ovarian cancer, meaning it can only be detected once it’s too late - stage 4. Because I have the BRCA1 mutation, my chance of developing ovarian cancer increases to 54%.  A few women in my family have/had ovarian cancer so this decision was easy. After all I already have two wonderful children and was 40 years old by this time. 

One of the many downsides of having your ovaries removed is that it kick starts you into medical menopause. This came with its own set of issues and struggles. Man I felt like I just couldn’t catch a break.

For the first time in 40 years I began questioning my faith. It was an awful down ward spiral which left me depressed and without hope. After soul searching and self reflection I emerged stronger, more determined, and closer to God, my family and friends. 

I remember just wanting to hide from the world. To accept my new look, walk out of the house without a hat on and just rock my new hair do was very liberating. It took a long time but I finally got there.

I used to dread turning 40 and now I’m like yay I made it to 40 woot woot !  Such a 180.

Not being able to be super active anymore was hard for me physically but especially mentally. Healing from four surgeries, going through chemo, constantly starting and stopping physio exercises, and working out was tough. It took a lot of work and determination to keep going. 

I tried to focus on activities I could do while I was healing or feeling miserable from chemo. I learnt how to play a few piano songs, painted, completed some puzzles, started drawing, relearned how to crochet and I walked more than I ever have in my life. Nature is beautiful and I forgot how therapeutic it is to be surrounded by Gods canvas.

My parents moved in near the end of my journey to help me out. What an absolute blessing it has been. Being a single mom on LTD in this economy was a struggle. It also allowed me the ability to go to Zumba classes regularly. 

I absolutely love dancing. It’s amazing cardio; excellent for the mind, body and soul. Plus research has shown an hour of moderate to intense exercise a day can reduce reoccurrence by 55%!!!

That’s an incredible statistic that can be achieved naturally??

My hair is growing back, energy levels are improving, and I can see the silver linings in this stressful and devastating time of my life. I’ve learned so much about myself and those who love and care for me. It’s changed my perspective about life and myself in such a positive way.

I live more freely, try new things, dance like no one’s watching, sing loudly for all to hear, and treasure moments and life more deeply. It helped me finally learn a hard lesson, that of self love. I had to grieve the loss of so much - my women parts were taken and replaced with scars and tears. Now I’m beginning to love myself for the first time and embracing the new me. 

I still have medications I will be taking for a number of years to help prevent reoccurrence. I will be scanned for the rest of my life to ensure the cancer doesn’t return somewhere else, but I’m finally starting to move into a different phase of my journey . Although I will never be fully cleared and discharged , I’ll take this win and continue living my life to its full potential and make every moment count. 

Cancer used to be just a word. Something someone else had and I would feel so bad for them. Now when I hear or see things about cancer it means something completely different. Although it sucks I’ve learned and experienced things that I would not have otherwise. My story is not over , but rather just beginning. 

Juravinski hospital has been amazing every step of the way. From their helpful and friendly staff members, nurses, assistances, oncologist, surgeons, and volunteers, I felt completely taken care of.  There are so many wonderful resources available at the hospital and from other non profit organizations it’s incredible.

I was always proud and happy to be a Canadian but an experience like this really makes you appreciate our wonderful health care benefits. Although not perfect, we really are fortunate. It was a huge stress lifted from the equation that certainly can’t go unmentioned !

Thank you everyone and God bless!

#Get your pink on

#Together we can make a difference