Deep breath…here it goes:

I don’t want to do this. None of us want to. But we made a promise.

The first year it was fun. There was hope, there was laughter. There was an explosion of pink and support and love. Mom walked with us and though we never dared to whisper it out loud, we all felt like maybe, just maybe.

The second year the fear had set in. There was more laughter, more love and as always more pink. But mom sat in a wheelchair. The reality of the situation was kicking in. Time was not on our side.

And now here we are. One year later and 8 months without her. We are still deep in our grief.

This year she won’t walk or be pushed in a chair, but we will carry her with us regardless. As we carry her with us every single day.

So you see, we are in a pickle. The idea of going to this walk and raising money when she is gone is unbearable. It’s torture to know it wasn’t enough. How unfair.

We lost our person. We deserve some grace.

But then I think of that pink bedazzled crazy lady. With a cup full of Baileys and the smallest running shoes known to man. That force of nature. She showed up. She knew it wouldn’t help her and she did it any way. She always showed up.

We got this wonderful chance to surround her with love those days. I mean physically, surround her with love. She could not turn without someone there. A hug, a smile, a Baileys top up. An inappropriate joke, a shoulder for tears, a quick hand squeeze. We got to show her, out loud and quietly, you are not alone. You will never be alone.

So this is why I will go. Not because of a promise (although even in death that woman scares us all a little). Because if my presence can make one person not feel alone, it will have been worth it. Anyone battling for one more day and every survivor, you are not alone. Everyone freshly grieving and decades in to their “new normal”, you are not alone. Like it or not, we are now a part of a very shitty club. So I’ll walk. And I will look around me, wall-to-wall pink, and think how lucky are we to have had her. How lucky are we to have each other.

If you would like to donate, in her honour or for the next glamma, we would be grateful. If you’d like to join us, we’ll save you a cup of Bailey’s.