E-J (Eliza-Jane) Boyd used to be a bit of a perfectionist. “I like to be able to control things,” admits the 37-year-old mom of two.

Then E-J’s mom, Prue, was diagnosed with cancer. “And the number-one thing I learned about cancer is that you can’t control it. It doesn’t have to mean a death sentence, and you can find ways to manage it, but you’re not always in control. That was a really important lesson for me.”

E-J and her mom were always close in fact, the two generations shared a house so it seemed natural that she became one of her mother’s primary caregivers. She helped her mom recover from her surgeries, made dinner for her dad, helped run her parents’ household, and became “chief communication officer”, updating family members and friends about Prue’s condition.

At the same time, E-J was working full time as a kindergarten teacher while caring for her own young children, now 6 and 8. When her mother-in-law also developed cancer and her husband took a job out of town, the stress of it all became overwhelming. “I started having anxiety attacks.”

E-J figured out some ways to control the stress in her life. She took a leave of absence from work, talked to friends, and took anti-anxiety medication prescribed by her family doctor.

She also started to try to let go of some of her “perfectionist tendencies”: she realized it didn’t matter if the kids’ clothes matched perfectly or their toys were put away spotlessly at the end of every day. She let the laundry pile up and went tobogganing with her daughter or to her son’s soccer game. And, when her mom was feeling better, “I let her take on the grandmothering role she wanted to play. She shares in the raising of my children.”

Today, Prue’s cancer is controlled by drugs, E-J is back at work (and her husband at home), and the kids can’t recall a time when both E-J’s parents weren’t an active part of their lives. E-J still worries each time her mom has a check-up, but her anxiety is manageable and the lessons she learned about letting go of her own perfectionism have spilled over to work and other areas of her life:

“I’ve learned to ask, ‘What are the day-to-day things that really matter in my life?’ And I don’t sweat the small stuff any more. It doesn't matter.”

Read about Prue Boyd's battle against cancer