Sometimes caregivers are their own worst enemies. Marla Delaney didn’t realize how exhausted and overwhelmed she was while caring for her terminally ill father until her brother ordered her home from the hospital. “Sometimes you need to have people to protect you from yourself,” she says in hindsight.

Prior to her father’s illness, Marla had been away teaching in Hong Kong for three years. In summer of 2004, she returned home for a visit. While she was home, her father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So Marla decided to stay and help care for him.

Marla’s parents had divorced when she was seven and her father never remarried. So Marla, then 27, and her brother Baron , 25, became his main caregivers. “At first, we felt we were too young for all this,” recalls Marla. “But it definitely matured me a lot. It gave us a new perspective on life at a young age.”

Because Marla’s father didn’t want homecare, the siblings stepped in. “Every day we were providing meals and checking in, making sure things were going well,” she recalls. “It was exhausting. It was draining. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“The experience also brought my brother and I closer together. It definitely got my brother and I communicating more. It really strengthened our relationship.”

Marla’s only regret was that she neglected to care for herself then. “When my father was in the hospital for a long time, I had really burnt myself out. I should’ve taken better care of myself. I had gained weight. I wasn’t getting any exercise,” she recalls. “Your life is so tied up in caregiving and it consumes you. Even when you’re not with them, they’re always in your head.”

Marla’s father passed away in 2007. Afterwards, Marla decided to take some time off to recharge her batteries. She traveled to Europe, Thailand and attended a friend’s wedding in Australia. “Caring for my dad made me appreciate things in life more. I try not to take anything for granted now.”

She has some hard-earned advice for other caregivers. “Try to recognize your limits. You need to schedule time for yourself. Find out what resources are out there in the community that can help you cope… And find someone to talk to when you need to talk.”

Now, Marla is making an effort to care for herself. “I’m much more adamant about my own health now. Both my brother and I are trying to eat better, exercise regularly and get annual check-ups with our doctors. Because our mother is a colorectal cancer survivor, we also get screened for it because of our family history.”