“The journey we take as caregivers is different from the journey of patients.”

Carla Redler knows the journey of a cancer caregiver well. For the past 24 years in her 30-year marriage, she has been the main caregiver for her husband Tony. Tony has battled non-Hodgkin lymphoma 4 times. But they didn’t always battle it together.

“When Tony was first diagnosed, our kids were 2 and 4 years old,” explains Carla. “It was a very difficult point in our marriage because he decided to fight cancer alone. Tony thought that by handling all the treatments and doctor appointments by himself, he was protecting us saving us from the horrible experience that he was facing,” she recalls. “It was very hard on our relationship. For our children, it was very, very difficult.”

Three years after his first diagnosis, Tony’s cancer was in remission. That’s when the couple received some unexpected yet wonderful news. Carla was pregnant with her third child. “The doctors told us years before that we would not have any more children. The chemo and radiation took care of that. Well, the doctors don’t know everything,” says Carla.

When Tony’s cancer came back a second time, Carla and Tony decided to fight it together. “Cancer is a family disease that affects all of us. We were once told that cancer can do two things it can bring a family closer together or it could break a family apart. Cancer brought us together and it has kept us together. Even though there were many rough days, there was never a time that I felt that I wanted to leave. Tony was dealing with the cancer and the treatments and I was holding him and our family tightly together.”

Throughout his treatments, Carla and Tony kept their children informed about his condition. “The kids knew that Daddy was sick. We were honest because the kids were scared,” explains Carla. “We wanted them to hear it from us and not from other people,” adds Tony.

Looking back, Carla feels that cancer has “given our family a gift. Our kids have become very loving and compassionate adults. And this disease has given us that.”

As volunteers for the Canadian Cancer Society, Carla and Tony share their hard-won experiences with other families affected by cancer. “We’re not afraid to discuss cancer. We’ve been able to share it together. And we’re there for people who need us.

“Cancer made me who I am today. And it’s made both of us realize what’s important every day,” says Carla. “If today was our very last day together, I would be comforted knowing that Tony has fought a long, hard fight and that it our life has been filled with blessings. It’s not how much time you have, it’s how you spend your days.”

Read about Tony Redler's battle against cancer